I Heart Online Dating

Going On Your First Online Date (In the Real World)

You’ve successfully flirted your way to a first date. Congratulations! Now that the ice is broken, it’s time to take your date somewhere nice and get to know them. Don’t know what to do on that first date? Read below for some helpful tips on continuing to melt the ice- if you show your date a good time, they’ll definitely warm up to you.

A Word of Caution

For all of the suggestions here, what you do depends on your partner. If your date has sent you an e-mail, written to you in a chat, or given you a call that leads you to believe one of our suggestions wouldn’t be appropriate, then follow your gut. You know them better than we do. That said, there are some basics that can help.

Keep It Casual

You’re excited for your first date, and you want your partner to know how classy, cool, and fun you are. But put away the tux or formal dress. For a first date, it’s important that the person know you are fun to hang out with, not an effort. Hit up a coffee shop or bar, if your date is comfortable there, and just have a conversation.

You can also do something fun and less conversational-  try mini-golf or a climbing wall if your date is up for it. You’ll want to double check first, of course. Your goal is to get to know a person, not beat a personal record.

Keep It Public

There are many good reasons to have your first online date in public.

Naturally, it’s a good idea for the sake of safety. But it’s also more than that. People generally feel more comfortable in familiar public spaces. It’s a stressful experience for both of you to put yourselves out and go on a date. Being in a comforting place makes that experience easier and more fun.

Keep the Conversation Moving

Just got out of a bad relationship? Trying to battle alcoholism? Your date should know- after a month. You should always be honest with your dates, but on a first date, don’t get into the heavy stuff. Before you can go deep, you have to prove that you can go light. Your personality will shine and, by the time it’s your six month anniversary, your date will want to know everything about you, no matter what it is.

Keep the Commitment Light

Once the date is over, don’t press for more. It’s good to view this first meeting as an introduction, not a contract. You don’t have to set up a second date yet, though you can hint at it. You also don’t have to “seal the deal” with an end-of-date smooch. Just showing your date a good time is the best impression you could make.

Keep Having Fun

Remember- you’ve started dating so you can have a good time and meet cool people. The best way to break the ice is to melt it- turn on the charm, and your date will be overjoyed to hang out with a person as fun, and warm, as you.

Tags: breaking the ice, dating, first, online dating tips

Looking Good- And Letting Everyone Know It

So- you want to have a great profile pic? You need one that shows how sexy, cute, hot, cool and, oh yes, attractive, you really are. But how do you do it? How do you take a picture that has that special photographic allure? You need a pic so good that film isn’t the only thing that develops- if you look good enough, a relationship will develop too.

One Part of Your Profile

Tips for creating a great online dating profile picture are important. But it’s also important to remember that the picture is only a part of the whole. Your entire profile needs to be stellar enough to capture the wonderful things about your personality (check out tips for writing a great online dating profile). The picture matters, but just like in real life, personality counts for a lot too.

Personality in Your Picture

That’s one of the reasons that showing your personality in your picture is so important. Your picture doesn’t just show what you look like- it helps people find out who you are.

Sadly, there are a few mistakes people make when choosing a profile picture. Be careful not to make them yourself.

1. The Myspace Picture- Ever seen a picture of someone pointing a camera at their mirror? It’s become a cliche and, for good reason, you should pass. You should pick a picture of yourself out with other people, having fun. You’re a fun person- let your future date know!
2. The Zoolander Pose- Think you’ve got the Blue Steel pout perfected? Well, save it for the runway. We all think a serious picture looks cool. But looking happy is sexier. Your dates want to see a happy, outgoing person, not a diva. It’s time to smile.
3. The Blurry, Dark, Too Mysterious Pic- Be proud of your picture! People clicked on it- they want to know who you are. Choose a well lit shot that shows off your best features (even if it reveals other ones you don’t love as much). Online dating is best if it’s honest. That’s more fun too.

Fixing Your Picture Up

Sometimes, you’ll have the perfect picture- except for one flaw. Bad lighting. A weird size. Red eye. We’ve compiled a list of easy to use online editors that will help you make your profile picture perfect.

Picnik- This site has a robust photo editing tool that lets you go to town on your photos.

Phixr- Another great choice.

MyPictr- This site doesn’t kill red eye or lighten photos. But it does crop your pictures to the perfect, profile friendly size.

Don’t Blink- It’s Time To Take That Photo

Now that you have a few tips for creating the perfect online dating profile picture, there’s only one thing to do. Take it! Grab the perfect shot, upload it, and wait for the photographic magic. If you do it right, your picture will shine as brightly as you do every day.

Tags: online dating tips, profile pictures, profiles

Flirting With a Click

While you’re browsing you see the perfect profile- this person looks great, seems funny and interesting, and is open to meeting new people. The big question: What do you do now? We’ve had years to practice flirting in the real world, but online you can’t touch your hair or gently brush your crush’s arm. Fortunately, there are ways to flirt before your first date- so get ready to click your way to flirtation.

Putting Yourself Out There

Flirting is always about showing confidence- it helps other people realize what an attractive person you are. Online, that means that taking the first step is crucial. Starting the conversation with an attractive person is the only way to get their attention. Flirting online takes guts- we admit it. But once you get started, it gets easier from there.

Choosing the First Message

Usually there are two ways you can reach out to potential dates- winking or messaging.

Most online dating sites provide a form of contact like “winking” (though it may have different names on different sites). What does a wink do? Simple- it draws attention to you. If you wink at someone, they’ll look at your profile, explore, and decide what to do next. Positively, it’s an easy way to interact and puts the pressure of the next step onto the other person. However, it also means that your profile has to speak for itself.

Messaging is the other way you can open contact. It takes a little more skill to come up with a good opening line, but it also starts a conversation. The key to a good message? Keep it light. Comment on a funny quirk in a person’s profile, riff on a favorite quote, or even tell them about the expression in their picture. Because you don’t know the person yet, it’s key to show that you’re funny, smart, and easy to talk to.

Taking it Further: Getting to a First Date

Each online dating service has different ways to contact members (check out our online dating reviews to read details). You can usually message and chat, and occasionally you can even video chat with a potential date.

Here are the ABCs of keeping a conversation flowing:

• Always be asking. This is a new person- you should be asking them interesting, relevant questions about who they are and what they’re passionate about. They’ll love that you’re interested and, honestly, who doesn’t like talking about themselves?
• Bring a lot to the table. This is your chance to sell yourself- so do it. You have a lot to offer, and if a point in the conversation lets you mention your cool hobby, great job, or sexy hair, then go ahead and speak up! Of course, you want the transition to be natural. But a little self-promotion can go a long way.
• Confidence is cool. Confidence doesn’t mean bragging or being arrogant- it means having a conversation without worrying about what people might think about you. Don’t dwell on yourself- ask what you want, be ready to laugh, and open up when it’s appropriate. There’s nothing more attractive than someone who is confident enough not to care how they look.

Now Start Clicking

Flirting online is an art form- it will take a little practice for you to perfect your digital hair-toss and electronic smile. But once you do, you’ll find out that the person with the perfect profile will be eager to flirt back.

Tags: confidence, flirting, love, online dating tips, profiles

Online Dating: Dive Right In

Remember the first time you went off the high dive? You thought everyone was watching you as you stood there, your toes gripping the edge of the board, trying to decide whether or not to take the plunge. Well, we know that online dating can be a similar situation. And we’re here to tell you to dive right in! But first, we’d like to teach you how to swim in the online dating pool.

Choosing the Right Online Dating Service

There’s a wide range of different services that cater to your personality and goals- Match, eHarmony, OKCupid, Singlesnet, True, and yes, AdultFriendFinder all offer different things for their users (to find the right one, we recommend checking out our own online dating reviews). Learn more about the possibilities and give a new site a try. In fact, most of these services provide free trials, and some like OKCupid are always free. These services want you to dip a toe in the water, so go ahead, sign up, and find the ones that are right for you.

Personality Matching: How You Find Potential Dates

Obviously, each site is different- eHarmony will give you a complex compatibility test, while Singlesnet will get you signed up withing 30 seconds (here’s our primer on online dating questionnaires). But, basically, all the sites mash up the hard facts with your unique personality. You’ll be shown people who are your preferred age, gender, and location no matter what. Then it gets interesting. Personality matching will help pair you with the type of person that you might have fun with. It’s both a science and an art- and it’s up to you to experiment and find the person that works for you.

My Profile: Making A Great First Impression

When you’re online, you’ll create a representation of yourself (check out our tips for creating a great online dating profile). It’s a rundown of what you’re like, who you are, and who you’re looking for. Potential dates will look at it to get a feel for your personality and to see if you’re a Match. It’s important to keep your profile fun, flirty, and most importantly, honest. This is your first impression for a potential date, so you want it to be an honest one.

Messaging: What’s a Wink?

Each dating site will provide a mix of different ways to start flirting. Some use “winks”, others have live chatting, and some even have video. The differences between services aren’t important, however- the key thing to remember is that you’re here to flirt and have fun. Messaging is a way to reach out and show a new person how cool you are- have fun doing it!

There are a couple of tips to remember as you get started. First, keep it casual- messaging too much could be too aggressive for potential dates. So always have a laid back approach to your replies (just as you would with a phone call). Secondly, be careful with your real contact information (e-mail, phone, etc). You should give that info out eventually, but don’t open with it- you have to make sure you’re speaking to a cool, safe person first (You can also check out our tips to read more about how to learn to flirt online).

That First Cup of Coffee: Meeting In the Real World

If there are sparks, you’ll want to leave the keyboard for your first real date.

How do you set up the big first date? Simple- just ask. Once you determine a time for you and your date to meet, you’ll be set. A public place is best for that first interlude. Meet and then, once you’ve gotten to know the person better, decide where to go from there. You’re well on your way to finding a new relationship.

The Rest of It: What To Do Now?

After that first date, it’s all up to you. You may want to reunite for a second date, find a new person, or even try a different service. Whatever you do, you’ve done the hardest part- you’ve jumped off the high dive. And you can go ahead and admit it- now that you’ve taken the plunge, it feels pretty good.

Tags: adultfriendfinder, beginners, eharmony, introductions, match, okcupid, online dating tips, singlesnet, true

Putting Your Best Face To The World

So- imagine you’re getting ready for a date. What do you do? If you’re like most people, you worry a little, pick out your best outfit, double-check your hair, and look as hot as you can. Well, with online dating you do the same thing as soon as you write your profile. You’re presenting yourself to the world.

Your profile should be as honest as possible. But just as you can gel your hair and wear colors that flatter those beautiful eyes of yours (we’ve heard about them), you can also dress up your online profile to put yourself in the best possible light. That’s where a few good tips can help make your profile shine.

The Profile Picture- Say Cheese- and Make Sure To Smile

You may think that the profile picture you choose is one of the most important things about your profile.

Well, you’re right. It’s the first thing people will see and, like it or not, that will affect how they think about you. Fortunately, it’s not what you look like that matters as much as how you look- what image do you present?

Stay away from solo pictures pointing a camera at the mirror. Try to find one of yourself in a group so your potential date knows that you’re a popular, fun loving person. And save the dramatics for that upcoming Oscar campaign. Everybody assumes that a serious expression is sexy. But you know what’s really attractive? Looking happy. Plaster a big smile on your profile picture. People looking at it will want to hang out with a person as happy as you (You can read a full list of tips for creating a great online dating profile picture here).

About Me- Summing Up Yourself

Ready to sum up your entire life, outlook, and dreams in a short paragraph? We didn’t think you were. The good news is that you don’t have to.

If you were at a bar, would you immediately open with a line about how you want to have kids once you find your soulmate? Of course not. First, you take a little time to flirt. That doesn’t mean you have to hide who you are. But look at the difference between these two online dating descriptions.

About Me 1: I’m looking to find a person who will understand me. I’m tired of long, lonely nights and yearn to have someone to call my lover. If that is you, then we should meet and explore each other.

About Me 2: I like putting too much peanut butter on my toast and licking the knife. When I’m not keeping my kids safe, I’m acting like one. I want somebody to teach me how to skateboard (Marty McFly, call me ASAP).

See the difference between 1 and 2? The first person seems sensitive and sensual- that’s cool. But they also ask for a lot from a first meeting. Person 2 presents a more fun and engaging persona, and they even provide openings for conversation. Their profile is still honest (they bring up their children immediately), but it’s far more flirtatious and open. That means it will get a better response.

Honesty Really Is The Best Policy

You’ll have lots of opportunities to express yourself in your profile. It’s great to have that much space to flirt and reach out to potential partners. It’s also tempting to tell the occasional white lie. However, just like with online dating questionnaires, it’s a smarter (and sexier) move to tell the truth.

You may want to change certain facts about your body type, age, preferences, or habits. But be honest- you want to get a date, meet a person, and form a real relationship. Lying just isn’t a good foundation. That’s not saying that you have to volunteer everything about yourself. Just like in a public situation, you have the right to hold back. Want to keep your body type a secret? Then don’t respond. Most dating sites give you the option to only give out the information you want to.

Naturally, the more info the better. But if you think that divulging lots of facts might upset that delicate balance between honesty and TMI (too much information!), then it’s fine to err on the side of caution.

Finishing Up- The Good News About Profiles

Each online dating site has different ways of matching people up, and each one has slightly different profiles. But, overall, they have surprisingly similar approaches. You should be consistent too- show people an exciting and engaging personality, and you’ll get lots of new friends who are happy to flirt.

And that’s where the good news comes in. Being honest is a good thing! You’re an interesting and fun person to be around, and we’re guessing you’re pretty smart too (after all, you read through this article). Being confident in your profile gives you a great way to express yourself and meet new people who will appreciate what you’re like.

Now it’s time to get ready for that date!

Tags: advice, background checks, honesty, online dating tips, profiles

Getting Started With The Test

So- remember the SAT? Well, there’s another test you can take that’s even more important to your future- and it doesn’t require you find the hypotenuse of a triangle. It’s the Online Dating Questionnaire. Every service has them- from comprehensive surveys at eHarmony, to scientific tests at Match, to flirty quizzes at OKCupid, to short shots at Singlesnet, online dating questionnaires are frequently requirements for admission. But just like the SAT, there are a few tricks to succeeding in the online world. So get out your number 2 pencil and start learning.

Take Your Time

Remember how bad it is to rush through the SAT? Well, it’s the same with online dating questionnaires. If you go through too quickly, you might answer poorly. Most questionnaires allow you to “save your progress”. Make sure to do this and take a walk, have a snack, or even finish the next day. That’s one advantage to these questionnaires- unlike the SAT, you’ve got all the time in the world to finish.

Answer For Who You Are, Not Who You Want To Be

Cheating. It’s tempting everywhere, and on online dating questionnaires it’s especially easy. If you see a question about your social behavior, body type, or even just your favorite movies, you’ll be tempted to put down a white lie (of course, you may actually be outgoing, incredibly athletic, and love only French films. In that case, give us your phone number.).

White lies may be tempting, but it’s important to remember that honesty is the best policy. Many of the questionnaires are carefully calibrated to learn about who you are (eHarmony even has a laboratory!). Answering dishonestly may be tempting, but in the end, you won’t be lying to a website. You will have misled your date. The best way for a new person to discover why you’re great is to admit it to yourself, and show it by telling the truth.

It’s About You, Not Them

A similar temptation is to answer the questionnaire to try to snag the type of person you want. If it were the SAT, you’d be peeking at the answers of your neighbor, trying to figure out what they put down. Of course, on the SAT that doesn’t work- questions and answers have different orders for different people. Online dating questionnaires are just as complex.

Let’s say you put that you are an “outgoing go-getter” because you want to date someone who is. Well, dating services know enough about personalities that you’ll probably be matched with a recessive personality instead of an alpha male or female. By faking the answer, you’ll get the opposite of what you want! Dating companies spend millions of dollars researching personalities and love (True even has a Psychology Today endorsement). That investment is the reason you’re going to them in the first place- so trust them to get it right.

Before You Turn in Your Answers…

Remember to have fun! That’s another difference between online dating questionnaires and the SATs. Questionnaires help you to learn more about your personality, your quirks, and all the things that make you an amazing person. The SATs may help you get into a good college. But if you answer carefully, honestly, and clearly, a dating questionnaire can help you get into a good relationship- and that’s not a bad result for a single test.

Tags: eharmony, match, okcupid, online dating tips, questionnaires, singlesnet, true

So- worried about meeting attractive people? Before you start meeting them online, you might want to sharpen your skills on the street. How can you do it?

1. Museums- Hit up the Renoir and stare at that Van Gogh- everyone loves an artiste.
2. Coffee Shops- It’s not just about java. A great coffee shop can also help you pick up dates.
3. Bars- The old standby. Our suggestion? Try a new type of bar- it’ll make it exciting for you and whoever you meet.

These are just the basics when it comes to meeting local hotties. There’s always more to learn- fortunately, there’s also always more people to meet too.

Tags: bar, coffee, date, dates, love, meeting, online dating tips